The Ugly Truth

Terror gripped her her limbs and she felt it well up in her throat, catching at the back of her mouth just before she screamed. The words that had evoked such a reaction from her left her speechless and rang in her ears like the toll of a death bell over a church in the days of old, when it would ring over the land after a hanging. And she was hung. Perhaps not literally, but in spirit and mind, she may as well be dead.

"I'm leaving."

When my father told us he was leaving, I couldn't comprehend the amount of sheer terror that paralyzed me, left me dumb. And I can tell you right now, the feeling hasn't passed, though that is to be expected. He told us today, after all.

He's not leaving my mother, and there is no divorce involved. He'll be back, very soon. He just needs some space. Or at least, that's what he keeps saying.

He and my mother have been fighting for some time now, and it's always been thanks to yours truly. I'm not an easy person to get along with, I'll tell you that right now, and my parents are no exception to the difficulties. In fact, they actually probably suffer more.

Now, I'm not blaming myself, nor do I think that I'm that horrible of a person. After all, they contribute to the problems themselves. None of us is perfect. I think the general consensus I'm trying to reach is this: We have some serious issues.

By the way, forgive me if my writing is a bit haphazard. It usually matches my thoughts, and at the moment, my mind rather reminds me of a mall; it's crowded, loud and unorganized.

Anyway, I guess my dad has had pretty much enough. He says he's going to leave for about ten days or so. Now, normally this wouldn't be such a big deal: He leaves, he comes home... everything is fine. Here's the problem. Most of the friction in my life comes from my mother, not my dad. That's why they fight, really. He intercedes on my behalf so my mom doesn't scalp me, and then she gets mad because she thinks he isn't supporting her. It's a pretty vicious thing.

So, for him to leave me here without anyone to keep the woman from murdering me in my sleep.... yes, this could be a problem....

Now, some people may think I'm exaggerating about the extent of the trouble between my mother and me. I'll just say this: both CPS (Child Protection Services) and the police have been involved with these issues. I've spent the night at the TCC (Teen Crisis Center) several times, and stayed at friend's houses a few more times. Sometimes the facts aren't pretty, my friends.

And so, you see my dilemma. I'm absolutely terrified that if my mom and I get into a fight while my dad is away, things could turn very ugly. Therefore, I'm going to be on my best behavior, though I'm not sure how much difference that will make, and hope that she refrains from antagonizing me.

So, now you know the Ugly Truth of it.

Over and out for now.

Keep dreaming, my friends.

Miss Maya